Starting 2011 Off Right

No doubt, 2010 sucked balls.

I can go on and on about how bad 2010 was but that would just mean I'm rewriting 50% of my 2010 blog posts.

But one last thing that's been on my mind is how wrong'd I felt about someone. Its one thing to break up with me a while back because you felt like I was in the way or no longer of good use...it's another to block me on things like aim, no returned texts, even the wall on Facebook.

So I figure...I've been leaving it all in the past like a mature person would but you've been flat out denying everything by cutting off any bit of communication like a child. (the same way you handled our arguments back when we were together)

So I did something you should've done a long time ago if you wanted to cut off all ties. You rid me from your life but you didn't get the job done.

To end every hardship I had this year, I'm going to kill off the source of all my problems from 2008. You are done. Goodbye.

100 Posts

I think I would like to break this down...

100 posts

10% food
20% Random
20% Deep Revelations/Thoughts

50% Bitching, whining, depressed complaining

...Blogs...

3 Types

There are 3 types of people out there:

- Those who have a hard time sleeping

- Those who have a hard time waking up

- Those who just don't sleep at all

I hate being the one who has a hard time waking up

Two sides of the coin is still a coin

If others were to give back what I have given or am capable of giving...

...all my disappointments would not be here.

If I suddenly stopped caring, I would start getting back what I give...nothing.

So whats the difference between the two?

Nice guy, I lose
Bad guy, I lose

What does it take to win?

LAME

I'm upset and I have every right to be!

London

I still hold onto the memory of how we were meant to be
And I wonder did you ever care
You were never there for me
I thought I was stronger
But then why am I here when there's nothing left to say
Now the only love that meant something is gone...

I should have let you go
When I saw that
It was over in your eyes
What do I have to do?
To get rid of you
I'll be better on my own
Now I miss the sun
But as long as I'm with you
It's just another rainy day in London
Ooh, just another rainy day in London

Blocked

I believe 90% of all people I've blocked from being visible on my newsfeed wrote about their boyfriends or girlfriends.

Us single people have some words for you cuties head-over-heels, truly, madly, deeply, in love, i wanna hug you, kiss you, be with you, my girlfriend is awesome, i have the best boyfriend in the world, he's such a jerk, she's so inconsiderate...

FUCK YOU!

I Was Right

So lately I've been keeping myself busy with work and school.

I think when I have those 2 activities I stop worrying about not being able to hang out with my friends or us having our schedules conflict with one another.

Kind of gets me thinking, maybe I was being a bit selfish. It's not that we are all disconnected now or whatever. It might just be, we're the same as before only with daily routine things that need to be done.

I figure this is the best for me and to be honest, without something like work to keep me preoccupied, I'd probably go insane from 2 things, loneliness and boredom.

So, I'm going to admit that I'm a workaholic and I can't do without being one.

How Is Everything?

Everything is going fine. Running smoothly.

I'm no longer in distress, no lonely thoughts, no sense of insecurity.

I figure, if you can not avoid the shortcomings in life, embrace it and then make something out of it.

When you can't be happy about yourself because of someone, be happy for them.

Don't over-think about things and when things get out of hand and beyond your control. Ignore it or simply walk away for the sake of yourself.

Yup, that's how I've been coping with everything. If I lose, so be it...I'll just try to win more the next time around.

The one thing that is entirely out of my control is just how cold its been getting as of late. 37 Degrees is something I really can not settle with for long.

Self-Evaluation

I think its easy to say I'm not one to stay the same each year. Meaning my mindset and outlook on both life and how I view myself does not always stay the same. Externally, maybe the key features to me stay the same. That expression, "people never change" is true to the extent of what the confines of a person's personality is. Example: I think 8/10 people would say I have good intentions when it comes to be a good friend. It would be out of the ordinary if I just stopped caring. Internally, maybe my mindset differs.

So, for my own good, time for a self evaluation.

"State of Mind 2010"

Family: I want to be appreciative of what I have. I wish I knew more about my lineage and I wish the days where the extensive network of my family beyond the house can get together can happen when it isn't Chinese New Years, or a wedding. I feel like out of all my cousins, I am the most well-known when it comes to my (bear with me) mom's cousins' kids. I just wish I knew all their names.

My Health: I truly feel like I've slimmed down from working so much in the summer. My lack of going to the gym is the reason I don't feel like I have that less than 1 inch muscle mass on my arms or pecs.

Friends: I know we can't go back to the days where we were carefree and just simply fucked around with time just to have fun. We're all growing up and prioritizing our lives to prepare for the future. In no way shape or form am I personally upset about not being as close-net and "together" than before. I'm actually more upset that when I'm free, I can't find something to do and resort to calling everyone to see "whats up" haha. I know its illogical to think "man, everyones in a relationship or at work than to hang out" and thats the truth. I look at myself and think. What haven't I done that are similar? I just spent a WHOLE SUMMER working and not being able to make it to some friend events (mexican night) and I lost touch with them for a WHOLE YEAR when I had a girlfriend years ago. I don't like hypocrites so I should NEVER be one myself.

My Besty: To me, she's like the sister I never had. Deep down, its hard for me to tell it to your face or even on AIM haha. Don't EVER let anyone tell you "you can't or shouldn't do this or that" and that includes me. You do what you feel is best for yourself. Here and then you'll do some irrational things but ask me for advice and I'll do my best to let YOU look at how you are situated in life so you will make your own decisions. But I will never tell you to do what I FEEL is best for you. And if you feel like I do that, call me out on it. We've been through a lot, more ups and downs (thank god) but really, you're irreplaceable. So, I owe more than just a simple thanks. Be yourself and don't fall under pressure. (Your biggest flaw is how you handle pressure haha)

School: I have concluded that I have no passion for school but I need to get it over with so I can just get that diploma and finally have the time to pursue my own personal interests. I've been thinking about going back for a second degree.

Work: 3 years at Hollister and it wasn't until the summer of 2010 that I began enjoying it. The managers and coworkers of that time were the BEST I have ever worked with and I really felt like we were one big family that connected beyond the realms of "the pier". But deep down, I think my days there are numbered. (But I've been wrong about that many times) I just hope this store can run more smoothly than it has and avoid all the dramas.

Money: I could always use more but I need to stop lying to myself. I AM NOT FINANCIALLY SECURE and I found out about that today.

Love: The one thing I've struggled with for a long time and the one thing thats hurt me a lot. Maybe I'm not ready or haven't found the right person. It's a trial and error thing. Maybe it's not even about "love", maybe I just don't want to be bored and lonely all the time.

Clothes Sizes: I'm putting that down to remind myself to NEVER purchase anything above a size SMALL. NEVER!

My self-image: I welcome change in the positive light. I deeply want to do something new with my hair. I want my wardrobe to fully fit me. (NEVER PURCHASE ABOVE A SIZE SMALL!) Unlike last year, this year I didn't care about having anything muscular about me. I want a light mustache and beard combo.

Additional comments: I'm blessed to be able to have a lot of things: Loving parents that cooperate and look out for me. My own part of the house for the sake of feeling more independant and "adult-like". The most connected group of friends that celebrate enough holidays TOGETHER. A best friend who is multi-dimensional in a sense that she can listen and talk to me about anything. A good sense of self-control (I may be old enough to drink but I still love my soda). I'm just as flawed as any human being can be and I am not perfect nor will I ever will be but I will never intentionally fake myself in front of those who know me well.

My best quality just happens to be my greatest flaw. I like to help. I like to offer an input. I want to change someone's life. I just want to be accepted (don't we all?). But that quality has led me to being taken advantage of and pressures me to "never refuse" (happens at work a lot). It's what hurt me the most in the beginning of the year when I really felt a strong connection with someone but turns out I was being used and I paid the price. I would probably make a good fallen soldier. One who died knowing and feeling he did the right thing even if it probably wasn't or completely irrelevant to the cause.

Waiting Sucks

Boiling water for noodles takes FOREVER -.-

Appreciation

It's always been appreciate what you have instead of hoping for having whats not there.

Hard to do that when what you already have is not always there.

So should I still dream big? (then again, I did dream of dying again so maybe I'm just losing it)

My Song

I always believed since 2008, that this had been the one song that in some ways, i can relate to well.

I remember when I first heard it despite being an extremely old song, I'd choose it here and then when I go out to karaoke. Rare chance these days for me to sing this version at karaoke.

It'll either be the duet version or the short medley but I specifically remember someone pointing out "Hey, theres your song, choose it" but I'd turn down the offer.

It's a sad song. Really sad. The duet cheers me up and the short medley doesn't last.

Through most of my down times, I listened to this song a lot.

王傑 誰明浪子心

Years

I was born in 1989.

It's too bad nowadays, they don't make awesome like they used to =)

Afterlife

I had a dream last night where I was being chased in a bright white maze by a lot of police and I had reached a dead end.

This dead end had a black screen that somehow, I knew would be to instant death and no trace of myself in the physical world.

I was given a choice of spending a life alone in solitary confinement or jump into a black screen that is guaranteed death.

I didn't hesitate in thinking, I had nothing to lose. So I jumped.

Next thing is, I have no body. Just thoughts and emotions floating in pitch black darkness.

Things that ran through my mind were:

"This is death?" "I can't move, but I'm floating" "Is there a God? Pull me out"

A few seconds later, I wake up.

Back to My Comfort Zone

So what was in store for this weekend?

Well, I've got 2 online homework assignments.

2 projects for 2 classes.

1 online quiz.

1 exam to study for by Tuesday.

So as of Sunday to Tuesday night, I am booked.

Is there work? Nope. Do I plan on hanging out with my beloved friends? Nope.

So that just leaves me with one focus and that's school. As overwhelming as that checklist is. I've already finished half the amount by today.

With nothing else getting in my way, I'm in my comfort zone. There's some good rain outside and best of all, I've exhausted all my fun into yesterday and last night.

I'm in my comfort zone.

Moving On

Another one out the window, time to move on.

I easily deceive myself. Isn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last.

Take it easy on me, I'm only human. <3

Uncertainty

I've been asked

"is it school?" - No, school is just there. I may not like it but I gotta deal with it.

"is it work?" - Partially but can't do much without the money right?

"is it your friends?" - No, we're all growing up and they're just putting their priorities right.

"is it a girl?" - Hasn't been for more than half a year. On and off feelings but nothing solid.

"is it family?" - They're always there. A lot less out of the way lately

Been asked that, no definitive answer.

But nobody asked,

"is it just you?" - It's all me. Just me. Lonely.

Outlet

I need some sort of outlet. Something like a private psychiatrist.

Haven't been my usual calm self. Doesn't feel like stress.

When your table is full of cracks, splinters, removed paint; you can easily place cloth over it in order to appeal it to others.

This cloth can come in a variety of colors and designs. It can be made of the finest material.

Velvet to the touch, glamorous to the eyes...

But how long do you keep it on before it breaks down from within, starts withering away and then no longer able to sustain itself?

Will the cloth help a broken table? Will it restore what it is back to its former glory?

A cloth will sugarcoat the table but it takes genuine care, delicate attention to detail, a sense of dedication and all the right tools to restore it.

Maybe someday that table will no longer need that cloth. Or maybe someday that table will breakdown on itself and that cloth is rendered useless.

I still have my "cloth" over.

Heavy Rain

So I spent practically this whole weekend alone. (well, not entirely but I found myself alone a good majority of the time)

Hanging at a bar with EJ and Andy, going to Jourdan's place for beer and games. Michele's birthday dinner and chilling with Joyce for a few hours.

Aside from that, I had a bit of good leisure time alone. The thought of it now being Monday and having school tomorrow scares me. Anyways, I found a bit of interest in something at the moment.

I have never experienced a video game as intense and emotionally driven until I played this game, Heavy Rain.

To make things short, a child has been kidnapped by a killer and you have 3 days to stop the boy's death.

The game asks the question of "How far are you willing to go in order to save a life". One crazy thing I had to do was crawl on top of broken glass to get through a tunnel...freakin' crazy.

So its a deep game and I hope to finish it soon. Next thing this game tells me to do is cut off my own finger. CRAZY

Hella Stupid

"Don't ask me, you're all just going to yell at me when I answer" - Mom

"You deserve to get yelled at cause you're an idiot" - Me

UPDATE

"I dont know, you told me not to ask" - Dad

"Pointless, you're just gonna yell at me!" - Mom

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" - Me

R.I.P.

Its too bad I shaved my whiskers off...I was hoping for a mustache.

Losing

I was pretty upset throughout yesterday.

Maybe it was cause I was bored in general or maybe I wasn't satisfied with the direction my life has been going as of late.

2 or 3 blogs ago I vaguely wrote down how I felt about how I felt I was being treated by others.

I was frustrated with a lot of things, it wasn't any particular someone.

It ranges from a lot of people down to work, school and even when im stuck in traffic.

I think back to these last few years and the extent of which I put myself in front of others.

It's crazy how I put my faith into others to an extent where I get hurt.

And when I finally get hurt, I leave. It's been a vicious cycle for a longtime.

Maybe I feel unappreciated, overlooked, or I'm just no longer confident in relying on myself that I always need someone to be with.

Doesn't necessarily mean it's "love" or anything beyond the realms of friendship.

I've helped people I've disliked. Maybe it's just how I am.

I remember hating my job for the longest time, it wasn't until the last summer when I finally enjoyed being there.

Now, not as much. Nothing got easier and I'm bothered with having being scheduled until 10 pm and not leaving on time.

I look at the situation with my car insurance and I dont think the things I did for a certain someone in the beginning of the year were truly worth it.

It's hard to have things your way when you feel like you've got everything to lose.

I feel like my best days were the days when nothing mattered to me.

Days when I had no car, when money wasn't essential to having a good time.

Those best days, I had nothing to lose.

Nowadays, when I feel that I have nothing to lose, I lose a lot.

That car accident forever scarred me. More upsetting that the person with me simply moved on.

It's an analogy to how I feel about the way I'm looked at by others.

It's almost as if I was simply expendible. When I'm no longer capable of fulfilling expectations, I'm on my own again.

Maybe my approach to life has been wrong. I'm no longer self-serving, the guy you couldn't stand in high school because he felt he was always right.

Its hard to change who I am. I remember when I changed so much for my ex (really softened me up), I called her out on that during our last argument and she told me she wouldn't do the same to me because shes at her comfort zone.

In other words, she had full control of the relationship and didn't want to lose it.

Ive accepted that I have no control in my life, there is so much uncertainty that the way ive been handling things these past years are no longer applicable.

I don't wanna change who I am. I don't wanna lose again.

Paradise

...
Don't it hurt so much
You left me out of touch
But I walked the road to the way cause you believed,
Oh para paradise
Seek and you shall find
But somehow I was left behind
...

Oh para paradise
只想跟你一起
一起走向這一天
...

iPhone

I'm tired of the iPhone to Verizon rumors.

It's gotten to the point where these rumors are treated like they're real and they're pushing it to the point where we all sort of expect there to be one.

Meh, I'm probably more annoyed at the fact that my contract expires in December and Apple better release an upgraded iPhone 4 with a better antenna.

Hair

Easier said than done.

I want at least 10 different hairstyles or variations in the next 5 years.

That means a hairstyle change twice a year.

That would be one pretty epic photo album.

Big Sigh, Deep Message

Your fuck ups should never be my problem but when I'm somehow involved, guess who gets fucked?

By the way, I'm not one to keep waiting.

Luck = Bullshit

So I woke up today thinking to myself.

If karma does exist, it's probably bullshit and the same goes to one's luck.

I have probably done more selfless acts than most people I know and still end up getting nothing or worst luck out of it.

So as a bold testimate, I don't need luck; fuck karma.

Fat

Ok, If I think I'm fat at the moment...and relationships make people fat...then If I got back into a relationship...damn.

Birthday Week

They say...you only turn 21 once. (Well, Kenneth told me that when he bought my drinks at the bar...thanks by the way)

But not everyone gets to celebrate it 4 times in that week! Har Har

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to celebrate it with all my loved ones and friends. (There are a few who couldn't be there but I understand)

Thanks for the best week ever <3

On a side note, I'm gonna miss having Shannon as my manager =(

I hope she finds success wherever she goes =)

2 Empty Rooms + A Kitchen

Well, better believe this is the last time these rooms will look like that. (the kitchen wasn't too empty)

Just a Thought

I appreciate having good friends but I never would have thought I would be hurt unintentionally by them.

If any of you guys read this. I love you all but please, keep that shit to yourselves and not when you have guests around. It's rude even if you all don't notice.

Don't be surprised when I start to say "no" to any invites.

I wanna say its nothing personal but it really is. Please respect that.

Refurbished

Refurb = It has failed before.

I will never buy something refurbished.

Corrections

I feel like the reason why I stopped blogging is simply:

I made this a lot more complicated and serious than I had intended in these last few posts.

I remember when I had a lot of fun just blogging about something totally random.

2005-2007 I did these little picture blogs on Xanga. That was a fun concept but it was tedious.

I moved to Tumblr shortly after the last blog I made here and I didn't adjust well to it.

So here I am. Back again.

I gotta keep in mind from now on. If I blog. Keep it simple.

Apple & The iPhone Prototype

Whoever's fault it is, I'm pretty sure Steve Jobs also has someone to point at.

Although it seems like ancient history, the story of the lost iPhone prototype has been one of the biggest buzzes this year.

To make a long story short (because this blog is opinionated after the facts), an Apple engineer lost his phone at a bar on March 18. For reasons beyond me, the person who found it did not turn it in (no surprise since its rare that someone would do that) and took it home.

The finder noticed something odd about this iPhone and took it out of its case. Turns out this iPhone isn't your ordinary iPhone 3G/S. Its more boxier, sleeker and has a camera built-into the face of it.

Here's where I think the crime lays, the finder sells this lost item to Tech-blogging site, Gizmodo and as a result, a journalist's home was raided and the source of all this. Apple.

Who's fault is this? Although the law is the law and they're holding the blogger responsible at first, this case runs deeper than just simple logic. I did leave out the fact that the finder did try to reach Apple and the engineer in order to return it (I'm confused as to why he would sell it off in the end) and Jason Chen (the victim) had agreed to return the iPhone back to Apple.

In the interest of fairness, I want to list out the rights and wrong's on EVERYONE who was involved. (a lot of what may be right or wrong is heavily opinionated by me)

Right:
- Seller tried to contact Apple
- Gizmodo editor, Jason Chen, wants to hand over the iPhone prototype back to Apple.
- (According to Apple) The engineer who had lost the prototype was not fired but his whereabouts, unknown to us.
- Legally, Apple has to issue a notice of return for the missing item and had it issued to Chen.
- Chen complies and agrees to hand it over.
- This iPhone prototype has a face camera. (That's pretty cool)

Wrong:
- The Seller did not turn in the missing item
- Apple representatives over the phone deny the seller any response when first contacted.
- Seller sells the iPhone to Gizmodo for money. (I think that constitutes as a crime)
- Gizmodo agrees to buy (according to law) "stolen property".

- Gizmodo reveals the identity of the engineer by exposing his Facebook page and name. (that is messed up)
- A SWAT team which was sourced by county police through Apple's security team raids the house of Jason Chen and confiscates his work possessions. (In my opinion, I believe that should've been illegal. Despite the fact that Chen was a mere blogger and the law protects journalists from being prosecuted and having their possessions taken in, Chen works under Gizmodo and is paid to blog. Not even freelance, I believe that should allow him to be considered a "journalist")

So I guess the big question is, who's to blame for the start of this?

Is it the seller who should have just "done the right thing?" by turning in the authorities?
Is it Apple for leaving such a top secret project to someone who wasn't at work?
Is it the engineer's fault for losing it?
Is it Gizmodo's fault for purchasing "stolen" property and exposing it to everyone?

It's clear who is to blame for everything that followed up (the raid, the ridicule, the exposure, the extensive legal works).

There is never a clear answer to this because the law barely solves moral issues. Think of Apple as the aggressor for pursuing all the people who were involved but think of the engineer whose young adult life is tarnished by Gizmodo's exposure. Then you have Jason Chen who gets his house raided from all this but he was just doing his job as a reporter, whether it was the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do, that's up to your opinion. The results that come out of this will take some time.

Personally, if this prototype will be the next iPhone, it will still generate enough buzz and even though it was leaked. I really want one.

Movie Review: Iron Man 2

OOOO, Double post for the night!

Ok, I'm bored and I can't sleep.

Last Saturday, the guys and I went to watch the heavily-hyped Iron Man 2.

I remember how epic the first Iron Man movie was, really deep storyline to describe how Tony Stark went from an egotistical rich-boy engineer genius to an egotistical rich-boy engineer genius superhero in a badass suit of iron.

Now Iron Man 2 has a storyline, just not a deep one. Basic action movie with a revenge plot and tons of explosions. You meet the same awesome cast (minus Terrence Howard because he felt he was too expensive for the role) along with some new faces (Mickey Rourke and mmm....Scarlett Johanson).

We watched the regular movie instead of IMAX 2D because with a hype-monster movie like this, tickets get sold out just like Avatar.

Anyways, the movie shows Tony Stark's life as Iron Man after unveiling his identity and how one mad Russian who has a history with Stark's father wants revenge and retribution.

I really enjoyed how Tony Stark just rubs everything in everyone's faces. The movie itself didn't carry a serious tone like the first one but I guess they needed an awesome movie to kick off the summer right?

Let's go to my criteria:

Acting: 8, Large supporting cast with matching characters but Don Cheadle is no Terrence Howard. That's for sure.

Storyline: 6, Nothing original about it. Just a lot of action. No twists in the story, very straightforward. Throw in some laughs here and there.

Presentation: 9, It's not the story that is going to keep you in your seat but the awesome visuals. Very beautifully rendered stuff with some amazing scenery and sets. The visual production did not go cheap on it that's for sure.

Hype-Fulfillment: Yes. It's the sequel to one of the best superhero movies produced in the early 2000 era. A good amount of advertisement to suck you into buying a ticket.

Audio: 8, Loud explosions, clanks and clinks to transformation crisp and clear. The soundtrack was pretty good too. Throw in some AC/DC and out of nowhere you have an epic iron man fight with Robot Rock. Then throw in some 2Pac's California Love...that was a fun one.

Overall: 33(+1)/40: B. If superhero movies are tolerable to you and you're in for some good time action with a few laughs here and there to end your finals week or start off summer, go for it. It doesn't disappoint. If you want a more serious story, re-watch Iron Man 1 and you'll appreciate Iron Man 2.

Weird Dream: Pregnant Woman Gameshow

Ok, less serious stuff this time.

So I was having a dream one night and it was bizarre.

I think this happened because I spent an hour thinking of ways to make money and it got implemented into my dream.

So I created and began hosting a game show.

The rules are simple:

6 pregnant ladies start off at the beginning of an obstacle course.

They must battle their way through various challenges and stuff.

First woman to reach the finish line and gives birth wins $60,000.

I know, that was the most sick and ridiculous dream or idea ever. I thought it was pretty funny at the start.

I remember telling Nelson all about it, and he gave me a lecture on abuse and laws that restrict pregnant woman from doing such things in order to protect them but, honestly...if I ever had the money and resources, would I ever do that? No.

But really, it was pretty funny to dream up.

Reflection Time

Well, judging by my last blog. It's been a while since I've posted something.

A lot has happened these past near-2 months. I guess I can say with some ease and a clear mind that I got in a car accident on March 7th near Baker Beach.

Although I'm blessed to not have been hurt, the bicyclist that struck my car who was going downhill did.

I'm pretty sure both sides had never wanted this to happen but because I didn't have the right of way (disregarding why he didn't make an effort to avoid this), I have to pay the price (or as of right now, my insurance).

I can't do much as of right now but I hope him a speedy recovery and that I meant no harm. This accident had caused me as much grief as it had probably done to him and his family.

I had learned a lot from these past couple of months. A lot of which were life changing and eye-opening.

So I list here things I'm going to want to pursuade for the remainder of this year.

- Financial security
- A special talent
- Better time management
- Develop further interest in school
- Not to be wasteful
- Find some way to help someone in need (donating to the needy)
- Find an opportunity to see the world
- Explore a new career

And here I list things I'm going to put aside for the sake of bettering myself.

- Dating someone who has too many expectations of me
- Dating someone who wants more out of me than the basics
- The urge to use my car when I don't have to
- Careless spending
- Minimize short-term interests and focus on the longrun

At the moment I'm juggling between taking quizes and writing this blog. (Not wanting to be repetitive)

I actually have a lot on my mind but I can relax more knowing this accident case may last for years but from what I've known since high school, time goes by fast.

One day, you're dreading to leave college, then you begin to miss high school. One day you lose a relationship, then you look back knowing you're better off now without her. You lose all your money to someone who doesn't even care about you, you laugh it off knowing you've spent less on yourself as a result.

I admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic, I can tend to like someone easily and (not a matter of arrogance) I'm pretty sure I can handle a relationship if given the chance but I guess I'm just as much demanding out of qualities in a girl than some girls expecting a guy to have a car or a job or whatever. I simply want someone who is willing to walk or take the bus to visit me. In other words, it would kill me to hear you want a ride to somewhere in the city.

But if my only options in my personal life was to have a car and an abundant amount of money in my bank account in order to meet the demands of a girl who wants a Gucci or an LV bag, then the world has one less bachelor.

These Past 2 Days - 灰色軌跡

It's been a rough 2 days. I guess there's one song I can relate to.

Beyond

For those that listened to some of their parents' old Chinese music (or a friends' parents' old Chinese music, that friend happens to be Chinese, Malaysian, Japanese), there's no doubt that they may have heard of the band, Beyond.

I remember back in the mid-90's (vaguely), my dad would bust out his bootleg Beyond CD and play it in the car.

Songs like 光輝歲月 (Glorious Days), 大地 (Great Earth), Amani, 長城 (Great Wall), and the most notable song, 海闊天空 (Boundless Oceans, Vast Skies).

So I got tired of listening to Dave Wang (王傑) and his sad songs because I'm in better moods nowadays to not listen to them.

In fact, it was from watching a live cover of the song 海闊天空 that was done by Wang that I felt like listening to some Beyond.

Brief history lesson.

Beyond was a band that was formed by Wong Ka Kui (黃家駒) and Yip Sai Wing (葉世榮) back in the early 80's. At the time, popular Chinese music was dominated by love songs while rock music was more "underground" to the mainstream media.

Although not the only band to try to hit mainstream in Hong Kong, Beyond was the most successful of the bands. It was at the earlier stage of mainstream publicity that Paul Wong (黃貫中) joined the band as the lead guitarist and Ka Kui's younger brother, Steve Wong (黄家强) joined the band as the bassist. Ka Kui remained as the lead vocalist and guitar player as well as Sai Wing being the drummer.

After the big uphill struggle to garner publicity for the band, Beyond finally went to the top of the mountain among a sea of pop and love songs. It was with this popularity, that Beyond went to the third worlds to promote peace and harmony to the poor through their music. Beyond were also very vocal of South African suffrage and the works of Nelson Mandala.

In 1993, Beyond took their popularity to Japan where they began performing and making music in the Japanese language. This feat was stopped tragically in late June when Wong Ka Kui died after suffering from head injuries from a stage accident that lead to a coma and death.

The music world in Hong Kong and much of Asia were left to utter sadness and silence as news broke out and the immediate funeral which caused the shut down of many streets in Hong Kong.

Beyond continued without Ka Kui but (in my opinion) their music just wasn't the same without him. Although they made several albums afterwards, not many of the songs managed to capture the original and moving lyrics and vocals of the "glory days". Nowadays, the members of the band are pursuing new opportunities and ventures in music but come together once and while to perform.

Back to the blog:

For the past few days, I've been listening to some of the more unfamiliar tracks that I have in my collection and hopefully find more favorites to add to my list. It's a shame that Ka Kui has been gone for 16 years. Just think how different Hong Kong's musical landscape would be if he had been around. Given the power of their lyrics and songs, they may have had some presence in America had things been different.

Here's one of my new favorites. 抗戰二十年 (Combat for 20 years), a song that was once a Ka Kui demo but transformed into a full song and performed by the band.

The Costco Pizza Dilemma

So I went to Costco today simply for the sake of satisfying my hunger (and for some quick window shopping at the electronics side).

I ordered a slice of pepperoni pizza, a polish sausage + drink and sat down.

I began to think about what I hear from everyone. "Costco pizza is so good!"

I hate to break it to most of them but I don't think a Costco pizza is a quality pizza at all.

So this leaves me with the question.

Is Costco pizza good? Or is it just good for the price it is offered?

Now the more obvious answer is, yes a Costco pizza is good but I have had better elsewhere but the price takes the cake, er..slice.

Many may disagree with my analysis but I think the best way to analyze this is to look at the qualities of this pizza.

Cheap - At $1.99 a slice. Compare it to most other pizza places, this is a steal.
Big slices - For what you pay for, the size is double what you get at any other pizza place.
Taste - It's a pizza, it tastes like a pizza. Standard
Quality Compared - Decent dough layer, light spread of sauce, thin layer of cheese, fair amount of topings.

From a quality point of view, yes a Costco pizza is a hastely + cheaply made pizza that satisfies the bare minimum of a pizza craving.

For 4$ at some lesser known pizza parlors that serve oven fresh pizza that is made with more richer toppings, the layers are thicker but you get more taste.

Personally, I think Costco pizza is only good because it is cheap. Anyone with a good taste for pizza knows a Costco pizza is not good at all compared to what other places offer.

But in a time of economic uncertainty (we've all heard this one before), if you just want satisfaction from the bare minimum...Costco pizza is the way to go. (and the fact that I only had 3$ in my wallet today). If not, check out the better alternatives out there.

SFSU JEPET

For those who don't know what the JEPET is.

The JEPET is the Junior English Proficiency Essay Test.

It is an essay exam that students must take after they have finished English 212 to "prove" to the university that you are truly ready for the literate English-writing world.

Those who fail to pass the JEPET must take English 414 in order to graduate.

Personally, I don't approve of this exam because most students have to be literate to be in college in the first place.

As of today, I have taken English in school for a total of 14 years just like most other students that have attended a San Francisco Public School.

I honestly believe passing English 212 is enough under most standards in order to graduate.

I am not writing this because I did not pass. In fact, I found out today that I did pass the JEPET.

I'm not too weary of what criteria graders must follow in order to pass or fail someone but as of right now I want to assume that most grading was done in a fair and nonpartisan way.

The thing that I am ticked off about is how many people fail that exam. All I ever hear from people are "Everyone I know has failed the JEPET" or "I heard the JEPET was really hard to pass"

In all honesty, when I took the JEPET, it was not hard to me at all. In fact, it was as equivalent to any SAT Essay Prompt, Entrance Exam, In-class Essay. When I finished my exam, I told my friend Kevin, "I'm sure I did pretty well on it. Might have been the best essay I have ever written".

I said that with the utmost confidence because I honestly did my best on that essay. If I had not passed today, I would write the same rant as to why the JEPET was unfair but I would end it by saying "I guess I didn't do my best".

I'm more annoyed by how many people expected me to fail because I am "one of them" or "alike". The problem with that mentality is this. They don't know me well enough. When someone asks me to help them on an essay. I try my best to use the most of my knowledge to help them succeed. I put my heart into every essay I write nowadays because I realize it is not often that a voice can be heard or even read by someone.

An inexcusable response that you might hear me say when I'm not serious is "Well, I've had an essay published into a book before. That should be enough to prove something". While there's some credibility to that. I don't take much pride in that. The essay wasn't even good to begin with.

I'm proud that I did my best on that essay. I'm proud of my integrity because I was probably the only one who believed that I was capable of passing the JEPET.

Valentine's Day

So yesterday was to be considered my first ever Valentines Day.

In many ways, I will always remember that day simply because of what I just wrote.

I was left in an array of different feelings throughout the day. Mostly good, a few bad.

We were originally supposed to watch the sunrise together at the Marin Headlands but we couldn't pull ourselves up and out of bed for it.

I woke up at 8 to see a thick shroud of fog and started to think a lot of the plans had been ruined because of this weather.

The fog was gone and it became a really sunny day at 12 and I met up with Cathy outside her place.

We agreed to ride the boats at Stow Lake but bad traffic prevented us from doing so. Instead I drove along the beach with her until we got to the Embarcadero.

Then we took a ferry to Sausalito. In some ways, the experience was flawed but it was something different and the ferry ride was fun for the most part. The town itself is somewhere I would never go back to however.

Wandered about the place for a long time before finally taking the ferry back to San Francisco around the sunset time.

Grabbed dinner at Chaya Brasserie where I had reservations at. Ate early and lost my request for a table with a view -.-

Then we went off to Cheesecake Factory to grab some tiramisu.

Afterward, we had a strenuous search for Tank Hill. I wish I knew where that entrance was. Didn't succeed and ended up at Twin Peaks. Then the night was over.

Although it was mostly a good feeling that day. I can't help but to feel a sense of incompleteness.

What I mean by incompleteness is both an internal and external issue.

Internally, I feel like I could have done so much more during the more slower and boring times of the day.

Externally, I feel that there were so many factors out there that prevented me from doing more. I won't go into any more details about it since its more of a personal issue.

Overall, I'm satisfied with how most of it went. I'm grateful for having a Valentine. I'm grateful for all the work she had put into the gift and for even making this all happen at the start. I'm grateful for her patience with me and I'm just grateful for having a friend like that.

"Despite some of the flaws with timing and activity. All the good I had done yesterday, were not for me. They were for you." - Terence

I guess the point that I am trying to make is, that despite all my personal flaws and certain anxieties that I've had on my shoulders for some time, I'm grateful that there are people out there that haven't or will not let go of me.

Winterbreak In Review

So it's official, one more week and then the break itself is over.

It never hit me as hard as this but this will probably be the most boring and loneliest week ever. Everyone is going back to school this week and I'm going to either be at home finishing Assassin's Creed II or at work.

All things aside, this was a pretty long winter break when i think of everything that has happened over the course of a month and a half.

I spent a better half of the break working but outside of work was a different story. I got to chill with the group again and do the usual but I guess one of the most rewarding parts of this break was reconnecting with an old friend.

In regards to school, I haven't been in the best mood for my own academics in a while. I spent most of last semester dreading about business stats and I was 75% sure that I wasn't going to be able to pass it but one of two things probably happened.

1.) I persevered after clawing and scratching my way through the final trying to rack up as much points as I can.

2.) A miracle happened.

Because I ended up passing that class, I was able to choose all the core classes for my major and on the upside, I wasn't waitlisted for any of the classes I registered for.

So next semester, I will be attending class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This gives me enough time to work or look for a new job. I think its about time I move up the ladder.

Oh by the way, that picture I used for this blog was the only picture I managed to get at New Years. Its funny, for as much as Cathy and I hung out these past weeks, we still didn't get a picture together.

Oh well, maybe next time.

心瘾 - 王傑

I still never get tired of this song by Dave Wong.

心瘾 means Heart Addiction (well, literally) but it probably just means an addiction to love.

With all due respect to his musical talent, its too bad his voice isn't as sharp as this anymore and he's aged a lot since then (1999-2000)

You be the judge:

Gifts That Guys Actually Want

So I was asked this question recently and it was pretty interesting.

What kind of gifts do guys like? (besides sex, alcohol, anything blown out of proportion)

Simply put, casual gifts.

Here's a list of 10.

1.) Video games
2.) A sturdy jacket
3.) Food Gift Card (believe it or not)
4.) Portable electronics
5.) A backscratcher
6.) A wallet
7.) Shoes (it varies by the person)
8.) A home cooked meal
9.) Funny t-shirt
10.) Anything good for the car

Part 1 was Half-Assed, So here's Part 2

So last night I made a blog regarding the New Year and after reading it this morning, I knew it was rushed and there was a lot lacking in it. So here is part 2.

I always labeled 2008 as the "recovery year" because it was that year where I tried my best to go back to what I had before Tam and also start some new friendships along the way. I had accomplished the first but failed in the other.

Then 2009 came along and I went into it with a closed mindset and believed that I had done enough in 2008 and it was time to just move into another year and forget about all that troubles I had.

Now looking back at much of 2009, I did just that. I focused on myself and worked a lot. Although this may be the first year I actually spent less time at home, it was a very comforting year where I no longer felt lonely.

Even though a second shot at going to a senior prom did not make my first prom worse, it made me understand that even though I tried to replace my first prom with a "better" prom (honestly, I liked my own senior prom more), it was rewarding in a sense that I got to do it with all my close friends.

One of the highlights of 2009 was that drive down to Santa Cruz to visit some old friends. The real meaning behind going was to see whether or not I had made the right choice of rejecting UC Santa Cruz. In the end, I realized a lot of these positives and negatives balance out and I might be a lot more happier staying up here in SFSU than I thought.

Of course this year was difficult in a sense that classes were cut and some were harder but thats never going to change that's for sure. For once in my life, I actually enjoyed work more than I enjoyed school.

There was also a lack of clarity in what I wrote regarding these past few weeks but after some thinking, its more apparent that I enjoy helping others cope with things that seem to bother them.

So what I expect out of 2010. Try harder in school, always have a backup plan, have some patience, don't ever let Alfonso change your homepage to gay porn, and overall, don't waste a lot of hours in a day.

New Years, A Year In Review

It's now officially 2010!

What a great way to end 2009 than with a few parties and gatherings.

So last night I spent New Years Eve with the guys just chilling at Tutti.

Got a call from Cathy and we ended up at the Embarcadero to watch the fireworks.

Interestingly, this marks the second year that I hung out with Cathy on New Years Eve.

Hanging out with Cathy these past few weeks have been really helpful to me. In some ways I admit that I had fulfilled one of my 2009 New Years resolutions to a further extent.

One of the 2009 resolutions was to put my past relationship behind me as far back as possible. After hanging out with Cathy and hearing what shes gone through and having her ask me about what happened between 2007 and 2008, I realized it doesn't hurt to look back at those problems because in the end, you realize that fixing the problems of the past can help make yourself better as a person.

In general, that's what I felt like I've conquered at the end of 2009. A better self and I'm pretty sure third time would be the charm and it doesn't necessarily have to be 2010.

What I want out of 2010 is very uncertain. Cathy asked me that the other night and I really had no idea what to answer with. I don't like to lie but the truth is, after this year I realized I can do without a girlfriend but at the same time, if I do manage to find that one, I would want us to simply start out as friends for a long time and let a relationship develop from it.

I might finish this off with a part 2 but in general, I am grateful for having supportive friends and family and a long term commitment I want is to return the favor and be as supportive as I can.