Afterlife

I had a dream last night where I was being chased in a bright white maze by a lot of police and I had reached a dead end.

This dead end had a black screen that somehow, I knew would be to instant death and no trace of myself in the physical world.

I was given a choice of spending a life alone in solitary confinement or jump into a black screen that is guaranteed death.

I didn't hesitate in thinking, I had nothing to lose. So I jumped.

Next thing is, I have no body. Just thoughts and emotions floating in pitch black darkness.

Things that ran through my mind were:

"This is death?" "I can't move, but I'm floating" "Is there a God? Pull me out"

A few seconds later, I wake up.

Back to My Comfort Zone

So what was in store for this weekend?

Well, I've got 2 online homework assignments.

2 projects for 2 classes.

1 online quiz.

1 exam to study for by Tuesday.

So as of Sunday to Tuesday night, I am booked.

Is there work? Nope. Do I plan on hanging out with my beloved friends? Nope.

So that just leaves me with one focus and that's school. As overwhelming as that checklist is. I've already finished half the amount by today.

With nothing else getting in my way, I'm in my comfort zone. There's some good rain outside and best of all, I've exhausted all my fun into yesterday and last night.

I'm in my comfort zone.

Moving On

Another one out the window, time to move on.

I easily deceive myself. Isn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last.

Take it easy on me, I'm only human. <3

Uncertainty

I've been asked

"is it school?" - No, school is just there. I may not like it but I gotta deal with it.

"is it work?" - Partially but can't do much without the money right?

"is it your friends?" - No, we're all growing up and they're just putting their priorities right.

"is it a girl?" - Hasn't been for more than half a year. On and off feelings but nothing solid.

"is it family?" - They're always there. A lot less out of the way lately

Been asked that, no definitive answer.

But nobody asked,

"is it just you?" - It's all me. Just me. Lonely.

Outlet

I need some sort of outlet. Something like a private psychiatrist.

Haven't been my usual calm self. Doesn't feel like stress.

When your table is full of cracks, splinters, removed paint; you can easily place cloth over it in order to appeal it to others.

This cloth can come in a variety of colors and designs. It can be made of the finest material.

Velvet to the touch, glamorous to the eyes...

But how long do you keep it on before it breaks down from within, starts withering away and then no longer able to sustain itself?

Will the cloth help a broken table? Will it restore what it is back to its former glory?

A cloth will sugarcoat the table but it takes genuine care, delicate attention to detail, a sense of dedication and all the right tools to restore it.

Maybe someday that table will no longer need that cloth. Or maybe someday that table will breakdown on itself and that cloth is rendered useless.

I still have my "cloth" over.

Heavy Rain

So I spent practically this whole weekend alone. (well, not entirely but I found myself alone a good majority of the time)

Hanging at a bar with EJ and Andy, going to Jourdan's place for beer and games. Michele's birthday dinner and chilling with Joyce for a few hours.

Aside from that, I had a bit of good leisure time alone. The thought of it now being Monday and having school tomorrow scares me. Anyways, I found a bit of interest in something at the moment.

I have never experienced a video game as intense and emotionally driven until I played this game, Heavy Rain.

To make things short, a child has been kidnapped by a killer and you have 3 days to stop the boy's death.

The game asks the question of "How far are you willing to go in order to save a life". One crazy thing I had to do was crawl on top of broken glass to get through a tunnel...freakin' crazy.

So its a deep game and I hope to finish it soon. Next thing this game tells me to do is cut off my own finger. CRAZY

Hella Stupid

"Don't ask me, you're all just going to yell at me when I answer" - Mom

"You deserve to get yelled at cause you're an idiot" - Me

UPDATE

"I dont know, you told me not to ask" - Dad

"Pointless, you're just gonna yell at me!" - Mom

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" - Me